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Effect a Change

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There are only so many songs that will be released in your lifetime that remain embedded in your mental jukebox selection forever, and Beyoncé’s ‘Who run the world? Girls.’ is one of them. Now considered an anthem for empowering women, the song brings me to this point. The new year, where we are witnessing the start of a new presidency, possibly a new European union if they ever make a decision, and a new outlook onto who it is that really is running our world.

It’s safe to say that 2016 for many people, was the year nobody wanted to remember. Celebrity deaths, humanitarian crises and the general state of global politics were enough to make anyone cry. These events, of course, do not simply disappear now the new year has come. It’s said that history repeats itself, and as humans we are meant to have learnt from our mistakes. However, it becomes very clear that this is but a dream after reading Noam Chomsky’s ‘Who Rules the World?’.

Noam Chomsky is an American linguist, philosopher, cognitive scientist, historian, social critic and activist. This book is one of the 50 books he has written in his 88 years of living, discussing the realities of the state of our world both politically and philosophically.

Before I start dissecting his work, it’s important to note that the man could make Einstein feel inferior. His analytical responses to some of the most major events to have happened in history make you feel almost unworthy of reading his words. His in-depth research and knowledge on the topics he discusses is beyond superior, and make any attempt to challenge him utterly pointless. 

Now, this article is not a review, let me make that clear. But when discussing who really does rule our world, not referring to Chomsky’s work would be, quite frankly, stupid. Just a few months ago, Donald Trump – my least favourite person in the world – was elected as president of the United States. The man now has the power to destroy what little peace and dignity as a global society we have left, so for Chomsky to release such an insightful book on the very issue of what state our world is extremely important.

The title of the book, as Chomsky states from the get go, “cannot have a simple and definitive answer”. The 25 chapters of mind opening information and reflection still do not fully answer the question, but with each point of conversation, it becomes clear that there is a lot of work to do before we accomplish a fair and just society.

The main issues discussed in the book are nuclear war and climate change, the two entities that have the power and force to completely destroy us as all. Chomsky points out that in light of this, it is important for us to “reassess who is making our decisions, and what basis those decisions are made about how we as a society conduct ourselves.” On all the key issues he discusses, be it gun control or the war of class in society, he always refers back to the fact that “the people are always a step ahead of the government, but the government are unresponsive to the people.” Although Chomsky refers to government bodies throughout as a powerful force in the world, he also makes it clear that the reality of who really does rule the world can only be answered when the fact that the second layer of power, where conglomerate companies and global financial institutions lie, is recognised to be of equal authority and power to the government when it comes to the level of control they have over us.

It’s hard to not think of the possible impending doom Trump’s four years of presidency could bring upon the world when reading this book. Chomsky discusses the fact that the United States of America has, over the past 30 years, been at war for the longest time in American history. This fact reinforces the notion that the ‘American way’ is to use force and violence to maintain power. Since the beginning of America’s diminish as the world’s leading power in 1945, it seems that every obstacle or threat to their position as leader has been met with force and military action. It almost, sadly, makes sense that a man who screamed about building a wall to keep out the immigrants, stopping Muslims from entering the country and denying any accusations of him forcing himself onto women, won the vote of a people who have been told that acting in such a way is the only way to ‘be great again’.

From what I can see, to have one person rule the world is to destroy democracy. True and total power over everything and everyone takes away the pillars of fairness, equality and justice that make up a democratic society. So, the answer to ‘Who rules the world?’ should be all of us. But, if we don’t even attempt to change the way our society is governed ourselves, we will lose what little power in our right we have left.

To summarise just one of the many points Chomsky makes when it comes to how we as a society must change our ways to allow a shift in the dynamics of how the world works, I leave you with this quote; “As long as the general population is passive, apathetic and diverted to consumerism and to the hatred of the vulnerable, then the powerful can do as they please and those who survive will be left to contemplate the outcome.”

Women About Town…

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Most of us have to spend time in the mighty St Helier, whether we live here, work here or simply come in to shop.  This feature introduces you to five familiar faces who all work in the metropolis.  These fabulous women are responsible for feeding us, fueling us with coffee, providing us with style advice, making our homes beautiful or helping to keep our skin fresh.

Words and photography Layla Arthur

Clare Clarke – Pebble

Clare began Pebble, on Market Street in 2010, with no retail expertise but with a really clear idea of exactly what she wanted the Pebble experience to be. She had always wanted to open her own shop and decided to combine her existing interior services work with selling homeware, furniture and clothes to create the most aesthetically pleasing shop I have ever walked into.

Alongside her business partner Kerry, the pair love establishing relationships with their customers; “In fact both Kerry and I love it when on the rare occasion we get what appears to be a ‘reluctant one!’ come in to browse and we make it our mission to kill them with kindness so they leave the shop a little happier than when they came in.”

For Clare “Pebble is, and has always been, about the whole experience of shopping. We want people to feel comfortable just browsing at their leisure or we’re there help them to do some serious shopping!”

Walking into Pebble is like walking into a home away from home where you want everything in the shop to come and live you.

Jane Hunt – Feelunique

Jane will be a familiar face to many who frequent the Feel unique store on King Street. Although she now works behind the scenes she began working within the beauty industry 36 years ago with initial aspirations of becoming a makeup artist, that dream quickly turned into the achievement of becoming ‘Charles of the Ritz’ youngest trained consultant.

Jane has been a part of the Feelunique retail community from the very beginning and is now the store manager.  Having moved from the shop floor she now works “building strong and mutually beneficial relationships by good communication and openness” with the beauty brands you’ll find in store. Jane’s work behind the scenes is essential to help bring together the beauty brands and beauty consultants expertise to the stores customers. “For us the customer is Queen and we ensure that our team have as much knowledge as possible to enable them to provide the best service.”

Lucy Morris – Nude Food

Lucy opened the doors of Nude Food on New Street just nine months ago and in this short space of time it has become the place in town to eat clean and healthy food which tastes amazing.

This minimal and stylish café brings together two of Lucy’s loves; clean eating and cooking.  And it allows her to share these loves with the people of St Helier six days a week. “There is something really satisfying about feeding people good food” Lucy explained.  She also loves how there is a real sense of community in St Helier, one that she’s happy to be a part of.  Lucy loves “interacting with people from town, from the bin men who see us dancing around the café whilst we’re setting up every morning at 7.00am, to the ladies in bank that I see everyday when collecting our change.”

Like it’s owner Nude Food is friendly and welcoming, Lucy and her team are ready to feed those looking to grab some good healthy food on the go, or if you’ve some more time then pull up a chair and enjoy the lovely surroundings.

Hannah Harvey – Dandy

Hannah became involved in establishing Dandy on Conway Street back in 2014. Hannah’s best friend Jamie Hooker had just returned from Australia and called on her passion for food to help in running and setting up the business.

Dandy has since thrived becoming the go to snug little coffee shop where the barista’s not only wake up their customers for the day ahead with quality coffee but also become like old friends.  Hannah and the team love to have a laugh with the regulars as they seem to share their sense of humour. Hannah puts it down to their attention to detail and the personal touch “I think our customers love that nine times out of 10 they don’t need to tell us what they want, we remember them. We remember their names, their drinks and all their little preferences whether it be their food or their drink.”  Of course Dandy isn’t just for regulars there’s a place for anyone who loves good coffee and great food.

The Dandy team is made up of Hannah, Dan, Lucy, Miguel and with Jamie now back in Australia keeping a watchful eye from afar.

 

Nicole Smith – Eclectic

Nicole has created the ultimate family collaboration at Eclectic in Liberty Wharf, with her at the helm and her daughters acting as models, working within the shop and partaking in online promotion.

Before Eclectic, Nicole successfully managed two boutiques and worked in finance before having her five children.  She also juggled various part time jobs around her young family, including celebration cakes, painting and selling furniture as well as fitting in an art degree It’s therefore safe to say creativity flows in abundance in Eclectic.  Nicole’s proud that “Each item in Eclectic has been handpicked, not ordered online” as Eclectic’s aim is to “provide a ‘look’ that supports our client’s lifestyle.” she believes that “It can be difficult for women, especially as they get older to feel good about themselves – “fashion or should I say style can do this.”

Nicole has built up a strong client base by personally knowing her customers tastes and asking them to model her clothes to show the inclusive nature of Eclectic. Nicole, alongside her family, and friendly team, has established a business that caters to their customers styles and is proud to make “women feel good about themselves!”

Jersey Live(s) Again…

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Like Joni Mitchell sang ‘you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone’. With the announcement that after 13 strong years JerseyLive is no longer, social media went wild yesterday, with many utilising facebook’s sad face emoji. The comments on JerseyLive’s press release page clearly shows a great deal of support for the event that will be missed by Islanders.

We’ve loved being involved with JerseyLive with Gallery actually launching at the first JerseyLive at the Trinity Showground in 2004. Over the years we worked with the event, initially helping theme the fledgling hospitality area, then moving to add our Gallery silent disco in the amazing globe tent. In recent years, we enjoyed partnering on publishing the official programme and supplying lineup lanyards to let people know what was going on. They say all good things must come to an end but it’s a shame to think that Gallery won’t be part of an event this September…

We’d love to see Daft Punk but we’re not sure they’re touring..

But wait, hang on. What’s this? Suddenly there are other page popping up claiming to be recreating JerseyLive left, right and centre? Facebook pages have popped up claiming to be taking over from JerseyLive’s mantle already. As much as we’d love to have Daft Punk, Ed Sheeran or Jamiroquai come over in September, it seems like these appear to be a hoax. The page owners of one pretender to the throne to replace JerseyLive said they are exploring options to provide an international camping event, telling ITV News they want the event to ‘attract people from the UK and Europe, with a main stage and a dance stage for international acts’. Sort of, er…like JerseyLive did then?! Although people have the option to travel to festivals elsewhere, there seems to be a great deal of pride and love for a homegrown event that actually attracts big acts and festival goers from elsewhere to Jersey. We DO need an event like JerseyLive.

Glaston-hoax? A legit claim or virtual insanity?

Mock videos of recording sessions with bands and news from LA have had islanders excited at the prospect of having something to do on that end of summer weekend at the beginning of September. Unfortunately, agents for some of the acts quoted have confirmed no bookings have been made and Andy C, who was quoted as having been booked from the Sunday of ‘Glastonjersey’ have taken to Twitter to clarify their position;

Just been asked about this GlastonJersey festival. I know nothing about it. It appears to be a HOAX!

— Andy C (@ANDYC_ram) January 27, 2017

Other media have approached Tamba Parks’s Jonathan Ruff for comment, who seems to get a call every time something fundamental concerning entertainment and events businesses is up for question at the moment. It’s no wonder considering the success of his Tamba branded offerings. On the prospect of holding an event at the Trinity Showground, Mr Ruff says:

“I’m not sure if I’d do something similar to JerseyLive, because they’ve done that and it’s obviously not worked, otherwise they would be bringing it back this year.

Jonathan Ruff, Tamba Park.

Bringing back Ed Sheeran? Probably not…

In their heartfelt signoff on the official JerseyLive page, it did sound like there may be something in the pipeline from the former organisers with each pursuing their own new direction. However, with much speculation on facebook, it appeared that none of the events so far carry the mark of the former JerseyLive team. With hundreds of islanders waiting to plan their summer activities we wait with baited breath to see what would materialise from the respective camps.

With just 24 hours since the release, it will be interesting to see what we can tell you over the coming few days.

 

 

Mirror, Mirror on the wall

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Photography – Danny Evans

Make up – Decia (Kiss and Make Up)

Model – Ellysia

looking back from looking east

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We first heard of the journey of intrepid explorer Augustin Warner in our July issue of Gallery when he was just 90 days into his epic journey traveling from France to China on a bike.  He has now returned home from his Eurasian challenge, one that saw him pass through a multitude of countries and three continents in order to get to his final destination.  Here he talks us through the latter part of his incredible journey which stopped just short of his final destination.

When I set out on my journey from across the great Eurasian landmass by bicycle I told myself that I would be upset and disappointed in myself if I did not achieve two things. The first, I was determined that the journey would be continuous and unbroken, that I would never move forward on any mode of transport other than my bicycle. The second, that at the very least I would reach Xinjiang Province, the most western part of China. I failed on both accounts.

What’s interesting in looking back and writing this retrospective is that although my journey was not continuous, although I did not reach China, although I did not achieve my initial goals, I don’t consider the journey a bust. In fact, I’m happier than ever.

From Yerevan you ride south down a great valley towards the mountains. The Turkish border runs alongside on your right and as you glance over Mount Ararat, the legendary resting place of Noah’s Ark, casts early morning shadows into Armenia. Moving back up into the Caucasus mountains I spent the next couple of weeks navigating the passes, camping amongst the pine trees or sleeping in tumbledown farmsteads. Almost every day on the road an ancient shepherd will wave you over to offer a shot of homemade vodka.

Meghri Pass leads you up and through the last Armenian mountains towards Iran. As you crest the final climb the view changes almost instantly. Behind you, lush, green flora cascades down the mountain sides, streaked with lines of blinding white snow and jagged grey stone. To your front the peaks are arid, brown and orange, dotted with scraggy bushes, scarred with bone dry runoffs.

I spend the night in the small village at the bottom of the valley. Here I meet a Dutch guy, Tom, also cycle touring, and we decide to cross the border together in the morning.

We hit a steep climb straight after the border in 40 degrees plus heat. For what little was left of the morning and into the early afternoon we traverse scorched hills with not a soul in sight. Slowly more vegetation and grass began to appear in the late afternoon / early morning. We had entered Iran about five days into Ramadan, but were lucky enough to find a dusty café still serving. We ate a late lunch of stringy goat and beans, with raw onion and orange soda.

We made our camp on a ridge line which separated two small villages. As the night sky turned from bright blues and vanilla, to dark blues and purples to black and black, lighting and thunder began to rip its way across the mountains.

I left Tom in Tabriz and set off on my own towards Tehran. There were lots of friendly and generous people breaking up the repetitiveness of riding on a route with hardly a single turning. From street vendors to security personnel, anyone can show extreme hospitality in Iran.

That’s not to say that you can’t get into trouble. On the dusty highway just outside of Tehran, I am pinned against a wall and half of my cash is stolen. Which presents a unique problem in a country under international sanctions, where your credit cards don’t work and wire transfers are impossible.

I’m taking road 44 Imam Reza all the way from Tehran to Mashhad. East of the capital the distances between a town or a service station start to lengthen. The further you go, the further the distances between some shade and water. Judging travel time, factoring wind and heat, becomes increasingly difficult. The temperature flirts with 50 degrees. That moment you pull into that long-awaited service station, limp up to the freezer, pull out a water bottle frozen solid, is one of unbridled joy.

The desert broken by the bushelling provincial towns. Hundreds of motorbikes and scooters cut through the market stalls. The road then curves up gaining elevation. The towns are tucked right into the base of the Zagros Mountains. Clouds form atop the jagged peaks, taunting you, the shade they cast tantalising out of reach.

I swear everyone says that the desert gets cold at night. But in Abbasabad, camped behind a tiny mosque the temperature never drops below 27 degrees. The sand and dust from the desert clings to your sweat. You pray for the wind to blow all night to keep you cool. You pray for the wind to stop at 6am on the dot so you can fly along the road.

I have a few days to kill in Mashhad. It’s another public holiday and the Turkmenistan Embassy is closed. The city authority recently banned the smoking of shisha in most public areas. So a friend and I drive downtown to a huge concrete park strewn with auto repair shops. Next to one garage is a solitary door, a CCTV camera pointed directly down. We ring, stare into the camera and the door is opened. It swings on its hinges onto a flight of stairs, smoke and dust mix in the static air. Another door, a peephole scratches open and a pair of eyes rake over us. Once inside the atmosphere is more than friendly. Everyone seems to know each other and the fact that a foreigner has joined them for a smoke sends some patrons into almost hysterical laughter. I sit there smoking, thinking that such high security and secrecy would warrant an opium den or a crack house…

Sitting on Air Astana flight KC252 sipping on a punchy G&T, as the Iranian landscape falls away beneath me so many different emotions are flooding through my head. I realise that after six weeks this is the longest I have ever spent in a single foreign country. My views on Iran have gone back and forth so much during this time. Now all that’s left is a confusing mess of contradictions. In many ways I’m really glad to leave. I want to get back on my bike, start moving again. Also certain things about Iran have come to deeply frustrate me.

On the other hand, I have made so many close friends here. I’ve seen so much. I’ve heard so many incredible stories. I glance back out of the window. We are flying directly over the road that took me from Tehran to Mashhad. In one hour we cover the route that took me nine days by bicycle. At first this is a bit demoralising. But as I continue to stare out of the window the vastness of the terrain becomes apparent. The mountains roll off to the north until they are lost in cloud. To the south the desert horizon disappears into a haze of dust and sand. I’m so glad I rode all the way across this awesome country.

We’re now over Turkmenistan. When I was first rejected my visa I was so angry, like a little child. But a conversion with an Afghan family on the train back to Tehran brought into sharp relief the difference between my petty selfish visa problems and their life changing ones.

I manage to get back on my bike in Samarkand, that ancient and wondrous city. A key trading post on the Silk Road Samarkand still gleams like a jewel in the sand, the scorching desert sun washes across the turquoise rooves of its historic buildings. Riding out into the desert towards the Tajik border I link up with two other Brits in the town of Garsum. We ride together to Dushanbe. The last patch of civilisation before the Pamir mountains, the roof of the world.

As the road snakes its way into the foothills of the Pamir it quickly deteriorates from gleaming tarmac to a single dirt track. I was looking for a place to spend the night, the road curved around the mountainside to reveal a rundown soviet era summer camp. Clustered around a large pond were several dilapidated cabins and a cracked concrete courtyard. Next to the far cabin were two dusty motorcycles. The Russian bikers turn out to have an endless supply of coffee and smiles. We spend the night happily trading stories as the moon rose high above us, its light dancing across the water.

After eating some bad food, I awoke with the infamous Tajik tummy. I couldn’t eat anything. Even a sip of water would cause me to wretch and gag. But with no people, clean water or food where I’d slept I had to move on. It took six hours to ride only 40km. I still couldn’t hold any water down. By midday I was in a total state. Luckily for me whilst I stumbled around their village a Pamir family invited me into their home. I slept on and off for around 20hrs. I was kept hydrated with herbal tea and water with honey. After two nights I was ready to get back on the road. It was time to negotiate the highest passes of the trip.

This region of Tajikistan can be truly desolate. With the highest pass at 4600m and the road never going below 3500m people struggle to scratch out a living on the mountainside. The occasional white yurt or a herd of animals can be seen between the ghostly villages up here. The awe-inspiring mountains loom all around you. Food is hard to get hold of and for days I rely on bread, Mars bars, yak meat and some pasta I bought in Kourog. Salty runoff can make river water undrinkable with fresh horse milk the only substitute available. The vastness, the stillness, the altitude washes over you, it can often feel like you’re dreaming.

I cross the border to Kyrgyzstan next to the immense Mount Lenin and make my way down to Sary-Tash. I am two days’ ride from China. But following the advice of other travellers, who warn against the boring scenery and paranoid security services I decide to continue north across Kyrgyzstan and take the Kazak crossing into Xinjiang province.

We are well into September and the weather begins to turn. I am wearing almost as many layers as I did in the European snows almost seven months ago. But Kyrgyzstan is far more developed than Tajikistan and dealing with the cold is a lot easier on a full belly. The road continues to curve through the mountains, weaving around stunning aquamarine lakes and searching out passes. But after what seems like a lifetime of climbing I turn a corner and the vastness of the steppe rolls out before me.

For the last time I pitch my tent. I am out on the steppe and the wind is causing the great grass sea to tremble. I have decided to finish my trip. Despite being only two days from China again I have made up my mind. I drift off knowing that tomorrow I will reach Almaty and start my journey home.

www.augustinwarner.com

West is Best

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Martello Lodge is a fine detached family home ideally located for almost all every day conveniences; a one minute walk from the house and you’re on the golden sands of St. Brelade’s Bay, a couple more minutes and you could be dining in some of Jersey’s finest restaurants and al fresco eateries.

The now six bedroom house was formerly called Martello Cottage, before being significantly developed by the Earl and Countess of Midleton and renamed Martello Lodge. Over the years the house has been added to and in the 1970’s it took its now familiar guise of a mock Georgian style family home. Owners before the Midletons included the Second Baron Kenilworth who lived here in the 1960s.

The property has immense and significant history dating back to circa 1781 when the cottage was built to house the Jersey Militia soldiers on duty at the Martello Tower opposite, albeit it was only a two-room cottage at the time. The story goes: two soldiers would work in shifts on the top of the tower on lookout whilst the ‘cottage’ housed the remainder of the platoon/troop so that they were readily to hand if an alarm was raised. This part of the house is currently the useful study and the large dining room which has a double aspect over the front patio and would probably have been the original entrance to the house too. In both of these rooms you’ll see the deep set windows and thick walls are still part of the original features and have been kept to keep the house in character.

The front doors welcoming you into the property have recently been replaced with specially commissioned glass allowing light to flood into the large wooden floored hallway which acts as the perfect gateway to the downstairs rooms. To the left there is a large living room with beautiful high ceilings which overlook the tower and the front patio area, which can also be accessed by a door in this room, fantastic for summer days when you want an extended entertainment space.

There is also what would have been the butler’s pantry, which now provides access through to the double garage and allows for plenty of additional useful storage and the current owners have installed a refrigerator which they use to store drinks for when they’re entertaining guests, saving the trip across to the kitchen. There is also a large cloakroom downstairs.

When the current owners moved in to the property they spent considerable time and money developing areas of the property that had formerly been neglected. This includes the large chef’s delight kitchen which is truly the heart of this home and was once only a small kitchen used by the staff of the house. Alongside the large Wolf range stove cooker, which has a gas hob and griddle, there is an indoor BBQ built into the central island and a separate steam oven and warming drawer.

There is a built-in Sub Zero fridge and freezer, a brand most commonly found in top end restaurant kitchens. The kitchen units are cherry wood with a Maple inlay within the drawers and the worktops are a clever mixture of beautiful black granite and stainless steel. There is room to have a large table in the kitchen and access onto the patio to the front of the house, perfect for outdoor BBQ’s in the summer.

Off the back of the kitchen is a utility room and a back door which leads to the outside of the house and there’s also a second useful cloakroom here. This secondary access would easily provide a great route to the house once you’ve returned from an afternoon on the beach, to keep those sandy feet in one place.

On the first floor there are six generous double bedrooms and three bathrooms with the master being en-suite, with a full sized bathroom. Two of the bedrooms at the front of the house have small balconies which are the perfect spot to sit with a coffee and watch the sea. Thanks to the house being undeniably south facing you will catch the sun until it sets, which will be total bliss when it shines.

Martello Lodge comes to the market for the first time in over 20 years and has so much to offer the incoming new owners, least of all its stunning location. For lovers of the west side of the island this is a must view property.

Martello Lodge

Le Mont Sohier, St Brelade

£2,650,000

Savills, 722227 www.savills.je

• 6 bed, 3 bath, 3 reception

• Large eat in kitchen

• Sea views out to St. Brelade’s Bay

• Gardens and patio

• Double garage and parking for up to 10

• Immaculately presented throughout

• Approx 3,971 sq ft

Love wine, love drinking

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We asked Chris Rogers of Love Wine to talk us through his top picks for the forthcoming festive season.

What would you be drinking whilst watching your favourite sporting event with the boys?

Beer – BrewDog Punk IPA

BrewDog are the fastest growing food and beverage company in the UK, thanks to their signature brew, Punk IPA. This beer is packed with New Zealand hops and balanced with a biscuit malt. With loads of tropical fruit flavours and a sharp bitter finish, it’s sure to liven up any dull England game!

You’ve got the family coming around for Christmas lunch, what would you serve to drink before, during and after your feast?

Before – Champagne – Vazart Cocquart Brut Reserve

Grand Cru ‘Blancs de Blancs’

Christmas is always a celebration so Champagne is a great way to start the day off on the right foot. I like to drink Champagnes of smaller growers, such as Vazart, as they offer better quality to value ratio than many of the traditional ‘Grand Marque’ houses. Every resource in the winery is dedicated to making the best quality wine they can. Vazart is made from 100% Chardonnay. It has fine light bubbles, a fresh and fruity flavour followed by great minerality producing an elegant finish.

During – Red Wine – Duncan Savage ‘Follow the Line’,

Western Cape South Africa

A blend of Cinsault, Grenache and Syrah this wine is seriously fresh and juicy. It’s a great lunchtime wine as it’s not over-powering or heavy with a relatively cool 13% abv. This is a thoroughly modern wine that will appeal to the new generation of wine drinkers. No fuss just lip smackingly good, excellent with roast ham, will pair with traditional turkey and stand up to darker meats.

After – Colheita Vintage Port – Dalva 1985 Colheita

Colheita Ports are great as they are a little less heavy then a traditional vintage port. They are tawny ports aged in small oak barrels from a single vintage. Colheitas change dramatically during this extended time in cask and take on flavours of dried fruits, nuts, citrus and exotic spices, while becoming very smooth and complex the older they get. They are also amazing with cheese and a game of Pictionary!

Everyone has left and it’s just you, what would be your nightcap of choice?

Rum – Matusalum 23 Year Old Solera

It’s probably not a good idea at this stage of the evening but you can’t beat a nice aged rum to cap things off. Aged rum is a great choice for anyone like me that hasn’t quite acquired the taste for whisky. Matusalum 23 year old will hit the spot nicely…

A square Meal

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The Square only arrived on the foodie scene earlier this year and already it’s made a big impression, thanks to their impressive decor and excellent menu put together by head chef David Cameron.  So far I’ve sampled the delights of their excellent drinks and cocktail menu but haven’t before sampled their food offering.  So off my friend and I popped one Thursday night to see what the Square had to offer for discerning diners and we weren’t disappointed.

Welcomed by the fabulous Nina, their front of house manager, we were shown to our table towards the back of the restaurant.  Once we’d settled in our seats and ordered a bottle of wine to share, well it was a Thursday after all, we began to peruse the menus.  For those of you who don’t know The Square is all about seafood, steaks and barbecue.  Not wanting to miss out on the menus highlights we asked for the help of our excellent waitress who talked us through what she suggested would work for our raging appetites.  

The clever menu has options for the smallest to the biggest appetites, thanks to their mix of small bites through to magnificent sharing mains.  We were two very hungry ladies so were recommended to choose two or three of the small bites to share to start with, an excellent recommendation as it meant we could sample more things too!  To cover all bases we opted for the butterfly tiger prawns cooked over charcoal with garlic, parsley and piquillo pepper, crispy (the crackling was exceptional) Thai pork belly, spicy peanut and cucumber salad and goats cheese with crisp fried courgette flower and truffle honey dressing.  Each dish was beautifully presented, full of flavour and left us hotly anticipating the arrival of our main courses.

Our lovely waitress had recommended that we opt to share either The Square Seafood Fest (grilled butterflied tiger prawns, Thai stir-fried crab claw, mussels in wine & cream, baked scallops, crunchy squid rings, citrus aioli & new potatoes) or the Cote de Boeuf (served with grilled plum tomato, slow-baked mushroom, watercress, hand cut chips, green salad, peppercorn cream & béarnaise sauce) but we couldn’t agree which we preferred so instead we both went for dishes of our own.

Stir-fried cracked crab claws with sweet chili, coriander, ginger & spring onions, which is served with bok choy and steamed rice, although the partner in crime decided that she wanted a portion of fries instead and she was happily obliged (sorry chef).  This was a very hands-on dish and was enjoyed with gusto and the use of several lemon scented wipes once the claws had been cracked and eaten clean.  A savoury dish with sweet notes kept the seafood lover very happy.

I, being a former vegetarian, opted for the rib eye steak, a cut you don’t always see and a particular favourite of mine.  Cooked to perfection over real charcoal in their JOSPER Oven and served with a plethora of sides it was delicious.  The Square only serve Irish Beef that has been aged for a minimum of 21 days and from grass fed cattle and that shows in the taste of the steaks they serve.

It’s hard to believe there was any room for dessert, but after a self-imposed break in proceedings we bravely battled on and were both glad we did.  There is a strong menu of desserts to choose from at The Square, all of which are handmade in house.  We sampled the Pana cotta royale – topped with fresh raspberries a lovely light take on this popular dish and I had the dessert of the day which was a butterscotch sundae with squares of chewy meringue and Amaretti biscuits nestled between scoops of coffee, chocolate and vanilla ice cream.  

We left The Square feeling full and very happy after our incredibly indulgent Thursday evening.  Both the surroundings and the service at The Square were excellent and we’d highly recommend you get yourself booked into sample it for yourselves.

As The Square is a member of the Liberation Group don’t forget to take along your Indulgence Club card too.  If you don’t already have one then head to www.inndulgenceclub.com and register for one, it’s free and they’ll even credit you with 500 points straight away, which amounts to £5 of credit which you can use in any of their participating pubs, bars and eateries.

Nostalgia: Not what it Used to be

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One of the many curious paradoxes about humans is that we enjoy feeling sad sometimes, which is what nostalgia lets us do in a contained, safe way. Who doesn’t get some kind of catharsis from lying on their couch with a glass of wine and having a good old cry over photos from years ago, or listening to music that dominated the airwaves on a literal radio back when you were small and didn’t need to worry about rent and neoliberalism?

Alternatively, if you’re slightly less morose than me, looking back on simpler times can be really comforting, like buttered toast or watching the Vicar of Dibley at Christmas with a cup of tea. In a year that by all accounts was a massive cock-up, Googling pictures of Justin Timberlake’s bleached perm from the early noughties could just be the opium of the masses we’re looking for.

Not to mention nostalgia is in. We’re talking the return of crop tops, chokers, platforms, the Gilmore Girls, LPs, an etiolated version of the Spice Girls and seemingly more remakes than original films. Just Google ‘millennial nostalgia’ and you’ll see hundreds of articles about how twenty-somethings are more nostalgic than the generations that preceded them – so what’s going on? Obviously capitalism is playing its role in the creation of this nostalgia wave. Like longer skirts, a sanitised, selective version of our past sells very well in times of uncertainty. That’s not to say that reboots and throwbacks always feel cynical though: I found the whole Pokemon Go thing really heartwarming because it seemed to tap into something pure and childlike in the twenty-somethings around me.

Then there’s the not exactly negligible role of digital too. Millennials developed alongside technology. We remember the time before the internet, but came of age just as it began to permeate every aspect of our lives. The rate of progress seemed to double and then double again with each step forwards. No sooner had we adopted MSN messenger than we got Myspace, then migrated to Facebook, then Twitter, then Instagram, then Snapchat, then suddenly we’re able to bombard the world with images, thoughts, Vines (RIP) and find whatever and whoever we want, whenever we want. Five years felt like 20 in terms of the changes we were seeing and making. Even Facebook is passé now, whereas it took ages for letters to go out of fashion and now they’re kind of back in again. When you consider we were the last generation to have a technology-free childhood, you can understand why our youth feels even longer ago than it actually was. Throw in the fact that millennials are the first generation projected to be less well off than our parents, and you can forgive us for wanting to live in the past a bit.

Interestingly, digital has also radically shifted the creation of memories. Pre-internet, bouts of nostalgia usually caught you off guard: a chance meeting with an old friend, a whiff of a certain perfume on a railway platform, a song you last heard years ago happening to come on the radio. Now that we can access any memory, any information, any person, any song, any video at any time, the gap between the formation of a memory and reflecting on it may never be able to really grow. From stalking exes on social media to the existence of podcasts like Instant Nostalgia ‘the podcast that reviews itself’, it almost feels like we’re standing between two mirrors with the future and the past an infinite reflection of each other. How will we, in the future, feel nostalgic for this current time if we spend it all feeling nostalgic for a previous time? It all becomes a bit agonisingly derivative.

Like many things that can make money or win elections, nostalgia plays off a real or perceived sense of loss. It’s melancholic in a bittersweet way, a wistful yearning for a time or place we can’t get to again, or more often than not never really inhabited in the first place. The nostalgia frenzy will pass when the future and present seem more navigable.

Christmas Turkey: How to buy presents for people you don’t like

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Much as I adore spoiling myself over the Christmas period, there is a small downside to industrial capitalism’s ability to deliver everything our heart desires within a 48 hour period. Like most people I’m too selfish to lose much sleep over sweatshop working conditions or the destruction of local retail, but am genuinely saddened at the new social complication in gifting somebody a really passive-aggressive Christmas present.

It’s harder to stay poker-faced over “accidentally” buying petrol station milk chocolates for a vegan when they know full well you could have ordered some kale crunchies during your last Amazon binge, or giving a cousin an itchy cardigan in the wrong size when they can easily exchange it for credit against a couple of Michael Bublé DVDs. I’m certainly not about to give up my crown of Christmas bitch, so the only thing for it is to go all-out and show people you care about the message you give at Christmas – by lumbering them with the most inappropriate gift that the internet can possibly provide.

The annoyingly perky

health obsessive

Winding these people up is like shooting fish in a barrel, but is reliably delicious, like smashed fish bits deep-fried and covered in salt. Christmas is already the hardest time for the self-righteous salad gobbler, as they cannot go for a power walk without coming face-to-face with an exhortation to surrender to their true desires, skip crossfit and binge on mince pies. I recommend adding to their misery by gifting them sinful treats that cannot be returned (such as fresh chocolates or 1kg of belly pork) or by polluting their household with the anti-Nutribullet – a kitchen gadget that cannot possibly be used to prepare healthy food. I defy anybody to construct a nutritious meal with a toastie maker or candyfloss machine, and equally defy them not to sneak down at 2AM and undo two days’ gym with a butter-fried salami cheese surprise.

The conservative mother-in-law

If you like them, a conservative, boring person is far and away the easiest person to buy a gift for. There are millions of them out there, and huge segments of our economy are set up to appease the interests of ITV-watching, Michael McIntyre-appreciating Robbie Williams fans. They view culture like cows view grass, and will be happy enough with whatever mass-market pablum is stacked up near the till at the supermarket. So obviously the best way to generate Christmas friction is to find something challenging, offensive even, and trick them into enduring at least the first ten minutes of it. I recommend getting the latest DVD of Miranda Hart, and replacing the disc with “Hated”, the documentary about abrasive punk rocker GG Allin, who was famous for attacking his audience and using his own body as a toilet. For music, substitute The Best of Cliff Richard with an early album by Ice Cube or the evergreen death metal classic “Eaten Back To Life” by Cannibal Corpse. These people also love gadgets and ornaments, so if you can find a nicely ambiguous sex toy there’s a chance they will use it as a back scratcher or leave it on the mantlepiece until February.

The moody teenager

I pity anybody who cares enough about the feelings of a bratty teenager that they try and purchase something that these hormonal malcontents will sincerely enjoy. Although I was a vile teenager myself, I am aware they’re not all bad, so if you know a good one just give them cash and hope they don’t spend it on drugs or fake ID to get a tattoo. For most cases though, you should work hard to hit that sweet spot of a gift that is totally uncool, completely impractical and that they will be forced to pretend they like. A good start is to go to the doctor’s office and find a magazine from two or three years ago – any fashion item or cultural product contained within will now be so past-it that you might as well be gifting them a glowing lump of uranium. For maximum effect, pretend that you are “down with the kids” and insist on them opening your present in front of their peer group, accompanied by inappropriate slang and a request for a group selfie. They will hate you forever.

The lazy sports fan

Getting wound up by irrelevant things is key to the identity of the sports fan, so it isn’t hard to goad them with an inappropriate Christmas gift. For many fans it’s as simple as confusing their team with another one from the same city, and you get bonus points if the other team plays a completely different sport. “Here you go Dave, I know how much you love Manchester City Hockey”. To work that angle, British football fans are also guaranteed to be infuriated by any gift involving American football. Ironically, if the recipient is a true armchair dwelling beer swiller, one of the coldest gifts you can get them is the necessary equipment to do some sport themselves. It’s a bit like buying a housecat a guide to spotting birds, catnip locations or the joys of still owning your own balls.

The embittered nerd

Most nerds are pretty chill, but for people who love to go on about how they were bullied at school, there’s a sizeable minority who are hilariously intolerant of anything that doesn’t fit their rigid perceptions of what “geek culture” should involve. The reaction to the recent Lady Ghostbusters film would have been overblown even if the filmmakers had ceremonially executed Bill Murray atop the temple of Zuul, rather than just made a new film that was slightly better than Ghostbusters 2. If you know one of these sensitive nerds and you’re trying to wind them up there are a lot of options because their tastes are so arcanely specific. You can get them the “.. For Dummies” book for any technical subject, ideally for their least-favourite computer operating system.  You can buy a modern remake of a classic movie (Total Recall; RoboCop; one of the Star Wars prequels) or a version of their favourite video game that’s two or three years old. In fact, you can look at any of the other groups I’ve described in this article and just buy their ideal gift for the nerd instead. For a bedroom-dwelling comics obsessive the Robbie Williams CD, Manchester United strip or a Nutribullet is the equivalent of Dracula unwrapping a garlic shower set and some crucifix cuff-links. Just don’t ask them to fix your computer ever again, because they have memories long enough to remember George Clooney as Batman, and your laptop will end up connected to the dark web and running a Russian cyber attack against the CIA.