Alarming new statistics announced

Russ Atkinson
Russ joined Factory having completed his degree in Graphic Design at The Arts Institute at Bournemouth. Handling the rare combination of a mastery of both words and images, Russ lends his writing skills to his overarching responsibility for design and production scheduling. Russ loves building BMWs of both the 2 and 4 wheel variety.

A recent study has revealed a new trend indicating that people have turned to re-watching Friends from the very first episode onwards. In chronological order. This alarming research indicates that humans as a species may have reached peak boredom just weeks into global social restrictions.

Streaming giant Netflix have been kicking themselves for not securing playback rights for the once-very-popular-and-now-somewhat-popular-again American sitcom for streaming within the US, despite coining it absolutely everywhere else in the world as this new phenomena has swept the globe steadily from east to west.

Amanda, 39, living in St Clement told us “I’d completely forgotten about the series if I’m totally honest – I seem to remember the one where I switched the TV off and went into town to buy another oversized Benetton sweater so I’m guessing that must’ve been around 1995. It wasn’t until I was re-scrolling through messages from January in a WhatsApp group I’m in while drawing the hundredth rainbow of the week with my son just the other day that I read something about a potential Friends reunion and realised I’d already exhausted everything else ever on Netflix, so why not give it another go?”

In a separate, independent study, home deliveries of alcohol have also increased 6000% in Jersey since March 30th. This trend is roughly four days ahead of the spike in binge-watching Friends reaching our shores, indicating that home-schooling children and watching Netflix in your pyjamas while pretending to work has driven islanders to desperation in just 96 hours. Or roughly the same amount of time it takes to get your head around a year six maths problem despite having upwards of fifteen years of vocational financial services sector experience.

Crucially though, the trend for stockpiling loo roll has now fallen with sales at an all time low as everybody tries to get through the cupboard full of the stuff taking up space in their homes while being acutely aware that they should still be rationing its use, just in case. Supermarket managers have been contemplating reducing the volume of loo rolls on display at any one time in favour of making more space for avocados.

- A word from our sposor -

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