Divorce and separation of unmarried couples is sadly commonplace. One of the most challenging consequences of this for those with children is navigating the co-parenting complexities that can follow.
For children, parents splitting up is a huge change to their lives. They will go from a family under one roof to two separate homes and will likely no longer see each parent as often. It is understandably an upsetting time and it is important for parents to be conscious of this, listen to their children and take into account their worries and concerns. Also, to keep any hostilities that there may be with their ex-partner out of earshot and try to minimise the disruption and emotional upheaval involved.
However, this is often easier said than done. When couples separate it is not just a case of each going their separate way, but it can involve untangling what can be years of building a joint lifestyle together and all the financial and practical complexities this entails.
When trying to re-establish themselves separately parents can find that separating finances comes with challenges. Whereas previously they were supporting a joint household with two incomes, now the bills and rent/mortgage payments are met solely, meaning income does not go as far as it once did. This can lead to tensions, especially when it comes to financial commitments concerning children and who is to pay what. Child maintenance may become a factor.
It can also be difficult to agree when children spend time with each parent and how that fits into the children’s activities and school lives, as well as the working and other commitments of the parents. Whether shared care, one week on/one week off, every other weekend and a night in the week – there are various options to consider.
School holidays are another area to be discussed – how is the time split between parents, who pays for any holiday clubs, how about off island holidays e.g. how long can you go for and how often should the children call the parent who remains at home?
There are numerous issues to consider for separated parents and it’s best for that to be discussed as amicably as possible and agreed between the parents before the children are told. The more parents can communicate and reach an agreement without involving the children, the better.
If an agreement cannot be reached then it’s always best to try alternatives to court in the first instance. Mediation, collaborative law, family foundation – there are good options out there. There are also tools that can assist for example a Parenting Plan can be agreed and signed so there is clarity as to arrangements. A co-parenting app, Our Family Wizard, can help to facilitate communication between parents.
It maybe that lawyers need to be involved but that does not have to mean a costly court dispute, it could be an agreement can be reached expeditiously and a child maintenance agreement entered into to clarify the position as to the finances, or an agreement to confirm the specific arrangements for when the children stay with each parent.
Want to know more about parenting agreements, including the fixed fee packages Le Gallais & Luce offer? If you have any questions about any family law issues, please contact us at family@lgl.je or by phone on 760760.
