FIRED!
Apprentice fan mixes
business with pleasure.

A man has been banned from a library – for pleasuring himself while reading Alan Sugar’s autobiography. The unnamed man, who is in his 30s, was spotted acting strangely as he browsed the business section at Crawley Library, West Sussex. Security guards detained the man after staff saw him select Lord Sugar’s book, What You See Is What You Get, before covering his lap with his coat. Police were called and held the man on suspicion of outraging public decency. A source at the library told The Sun: “He spent about 20 minutes looking through the books in the business section before selecting Alan Sugar’s autobiography. He was behaving rather oddly so we kept an eye on him and then he just sat down with his coat over his lap and started pleasuring himself as he looked through the book. It was very bizarre behaviour and our security guys got a hold of him before too many people saw what he was doing.” Lord Sugar appeared to be amused by the story, using it as a chance to get at Twitter rival Piers Morgan. He tweeted: “Mixing business with pleasure? Piers was that you?”