We?ve got a situation

We?ve got a situation

Valentine?s Day, a perfect chance for a romantic dinner with the object of your affection, your partner, your beloved, your chosen one, your Valentine.  What could be nicer?  A delightful evening awaits?or DOES it?!  You book a restaurant, it looks lovely, ambient even, but if you?re not very careful, you could end up, sitting in total silence, staring moodily at the corner of a room, unable to even chew , let alone enjoy your pâté-on-heart-shaped-toast, while your date chokes back tears, and glares at you, in disappointment more than anger, and thinks about her ex?the one who played guitar, in a band.  Bastard.  It?s not that there is anything wrong with the restaurant, it?s rather nice, the food is quite tasty and the staff are rather charming.  So what is the problem?  You didn?t match your relationship status to your location, that?s what!  You now have what they call, a ?situation??.  To avoid this absolute horror, follow the simple guidelines below.

The Pre-Dump


To be very frank, you?re thinking about dumping them.  In fact, you are going to dump them.  But you?re not totally heartless; you wouldn?t do it before, or on Valentine?s Day.  I mean, what would their hot mate say, the one you?re hoping to hit on as soon as the dust settles?  You need somewhere nice enough that you don?t look cheap, but not so expensive that they get their hopes up about the relationship.



Suggested Location: 

The Bar, St Helier

OK food, Sufficiently busy

A ?let?s-be-friends? atmosphere


The Relationship:

The Pepe (as in Le Pew)


You really, really, really like them.  Ohmygod you like them so much!  You cannot believe, that finally somehow they are going out with you.  You want to lavish them with expensive gifts, fly them to Paris, and tell them that you luvvvve them.  Don?t.  They will feel overwhelmed and may well think you are creepy.  In fact, if you take things too far, not only might you end up sitting in an awkward Valentine?s situation, you might get dumped.  The note you are looking to hit is ?cosy-original-chic?.

Suggested Location: 

Old Court House, St Aubin

Understated & relaxed

Warm & cosy

The Relationship:



Erm, bit tricky this one.  Basically, you didn?t really mean to end up going out with them.  One night you were drunk and one thing led to another, and then it happened again, because why not, you?d already done it once.  Then, you felt a bit guilty, so you took them to Cineworld, just once, to alleviate the bad feelings.  Next thing you knew, you were being jointly invited to barbecues.  God.  The fact is,  even though they?re nice, they?re just not that attractive, but there?s nothing better around and you have no soul?  


Suggested Location: 

The Pembroke, Grouville

Packed with staring ?locals?

Miles away from The Relationship:

Display Model


You?re not sure if you like them or not.  There?s one thing you do know though, they are hot – smoking hot, absolutely gorgeous.  And if there?s one thing that you need this Valentine?s Day, it?s high visibility.  Frankly your mates can?t quite believe you managed this one and despite your bravado, nor can you.  You cannot wait to see everyone?s faces when you walk into the, hopefully very busy, restaurant with them! Ha, take that ex!



Suggested Location: 

Café Zephyr, The Royal Yacht

Open plan: Nice big windows for everyone to stare at you 

Plenty of bars to casually ?circulate? through afterwardsReally want to impress?
Enjoy the most romantic day of the year in the beautiful Cardington House, surrounded by the most magical views on the island.  Valentine?s Day at Cardington is a special treat for you and your loved one as you will be waited on hand and foot while living in extreme luxury!  The special Valentine?s rates start from £250 which includes a three-course dinner and breakfast the next morning at your leisure, allowing you a lie in!   We wouldn?t blame you for not wanting to leave … and if that is the case, Cardington House are offering any additional nights at the heavily discounted price of £110. Only residents are able to use the restaurant facilities so make a night out of it and book into one of the five fabulous rooms!   


Also, the Grand Jersey let us know about a similar Valentine?s offer.  Choose from either a candlelit dinner in Victoria?s with a glass of champagne upon arrival, a gorgeous superior bedroom complete with handmade mattress, Elemis beauty products and unlimited access to the impressive spa and leisure facilities topped off with a full breakfast buffet for £95 per person…  or go the whole hog and have a seductive 3-course fine dining experience in Tassili plus the superior bedroom and unlimited access to the spa and leisure facilities for £125 per person.

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