Crack team rabbits colonise Radisson
Special Forces hares in the fight against architectural blasphemy
In January 2011 the JEP published an article “Waterfront Down” (JEP 11.01.11). The report described the bewilderment expressed by local naturalists following the discovery of a rabbit population in the sporadic green spaces of the Waterfront complex.
Environmentalists believe the mate-happy mammals may have come down from Mount Bingham or even as far away as Westmount. They remain baffled as to why they would have made such a journey. Responding to the find, the Waterfront Enterprise Board commented that it did not intend to move the rabbits on unless they “become destructive”. How prophetic.
A reliable Gallery source believes the colonisation was no fluke, and that the rabbits are in fact specially trained under-miners, possessing cutting-edge demolition skills.
Interrogations carried out on a specimen caught outside a flowerbed burrow at the Radisson revealed the shocking truth. The individual (named Bugs to conceal his identity) confessed to being fed an educational diet of renaissance architecture and the teachings of Archimedes from birth, groomed in an environment of HistoReligious conservatism akin to 16th century Jesuit priests. Bugs also admitted having diamond teeth and an addiction to the taste of concrete.
On his person was found a blueprint of the Radisson, some charges, a mobile phone, methamphetamine and traces of C4. You don’t have to be Wesley Snipes to work out the raison d’être.
It transpires the plot to undermine the hotel and send it crashing is part of a series of covert operations led by senior civil servants designed to undo government faux pas and shake up the political system.
Scientists at the laboratory where Bugs was reared are currently working on a telepathic Royal Square pigeon that they have trained to crap on, and thus expose, any elected member wilfully entering the States Chamber without having fully considered the Propositions they’re scheduled to debate. Given the amount of crap this will require, the boffins are currently trying to transplant into the pigeon’s anus the excretion organs from a Pacific giant squid. Good luck with that.
