Spring is in the air, the sun’s out and suddenly everyone’s coupled up. Whispering sweet nothings into their his n’ hers phones, slipping their hands into each other’s back pockets, gazing wistfully into the middle distance whenever they’re apart. It’s mating season all right. Time to get your own back. Here’s Eyespy’s pocket guide to spotting the couples we all love to hate. See if you can collect the whole set.
The On-and-Off Couple
Often spotted: in the middle of the Drift on a Friday night, having a blazing row.
Most likely to say: (far too full of $%£*ives to print….)
These two love to hate each other. They’ve broken up and got back together more times than Jude & Sienna. When they’re together, they’re constantly fighting and making each other’s lives miserable. Yet every time they break up, they end up getting back together again. Maybe the kissing and making up is worth it…
The All Loved Up Couple
Often spotted: Stroking each other’s hair.
Most likely to say: ‘I lubb you too, Snuggles’
You can’t miss this couple. Kissing in the middle of King Street, slipping their hands into each other’s back pockets, updating Facebook with ‘I have the most amazing boyfriend in the whole world!!!!!’ It might have been ok when you’re 15, but not when you’re a recently divorced forty-something. Get a room…
The Matching Couple
Often spotted: At the airport, with matching wheely cases, and identical puffa jackets.
Most likely to say: ‘Like two peas in a pod, us!’
What were you thinking? Was there an unmissable BOGOF on his n’ hers stripy jumpers or something? Just because you’re in a couple, doesn’t mean you can’t be individuals. It’s sort of sweet you want to look like each other, but getting matching haircuts is not the way forward.
The Joined at the Hip Couple
Often spotted: Sitting together in the back seat of the car when their friend gives them a lift, because they can’t bear to sit apart.
Most likely to say: ‘We’re each other’s best friend’
This couple does everything together. Wherever Tom goes, Amy goes too. They automatically assume their other halves are invited out with them, even if it’s a girls night out, and sulk if they have to sit separately at dinner parties. There’s no ‘I’ in this relationship, everything’s prefixed with ‘We’. How they ever managed to function before they found each is one of life’s great mysteries.
The ‘I can’t remember why we’re together’ Couple
Often spotted: On separate nights out, flirting with other people.
Most likely to say: ‘It’s complicated…’
They’ve been together forever, so you’d think they’d be in love, right? Wrong. This couple plan on getting married eventually… but to other people. They’ve been an item so long, it’s easier to stay together than to break up. Wake up! A bit of hassle now saves a big headache later on when she finds out she’s pregnant…
The Fit Couple
Often spotted: Running along the Railway Walk together in matching jogging gear.
Most likely to say: ‘Another circuit, babe?’
While the rest of us try and keep our gym flushes away from public view, this couple are more than happy to share their sweat. Running along the front beside each other, working out side by side, it’s almost like they’re competing. Or perhaps it’s just something about getting hot and sweaty together.
The ‘what’s yours is mine’ couple
Often spotted: in Pizza Express, swapping plates.
Most likely to say: ‘Oh no, I’m too full for dessert, I’ll just have a taste of yours’
This is the girlfriend who’s on a diet, but always wants to ‘try’ her boyfriend’s meal, and then ends up polishing half of it off. That way she can say she only had a salad, even though she ended up eating two pieces of garlic bread, a couple of dough balls, a slice and a half of pizza and most of her boyfriend’s ice cream sundae.
The Perfect Couple
Often spotted: Looking picture-perfect, walking along the beach together.
Most likely to say: ‘It was love at first sight’
Everyone knows one of these couples. They never argue, they get along really well, and they even manage to have a social life of their own. They’re the perfect couple. Jealous? Of course we are. But remember, nothing perfect lasts forever…