Words: Toby Balderson
Wondering whether to venture into a new Christmassy realm and leave your usual BLT behind when selecting your next meal deal? Well, wonder no more, myself and the Gallery office reprobates have taste tested every Christmas sandwich available to us in town.
After putting the word out on social media, a handful of local businesses reached out to us. Unfortunately for a lot of our local stores, their Christmas specials couldn’t be sampled until December. So we’ve scoured local supermarkets in town for the best that they have to offer. Next year, we/I will be more prepared and ensure we have some local independents in the mix.
For now, here’s our sandwich haul–if Santa’s sack was packed full of gluten and cranberry sauce, if you will.
Fa La La La Fel Wrap, M&S, £4.75
3.5/5
Controversially, starting with a wrap, not a sandwich. From head-to-toe, a solid falafel wrap by all accounts. Notably moist, a zingy flavour profile with a peppy spice on the tailend of a bite. Is it screaming Christmas? No. I guess we could be asking M&S, “Do they know it’s Christmas time at all?”. One point for a festive name, but a negative point for missing “Las” for correctness. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away.
Turkey & Homemade Stuffing, Morrisons, £3.59
1/5
I feel sorry for the turkeys that have ended up in these sandwiches. Wafer thin turkey cuts surrounded by lifeless bread and an abundance of leafage. An occasional bite was accompanied with a sharp crunch which I can only assume was turkey feet or worse. The less said about this sandwich the better. A firm place on the naughty list for whoever created this sandwich.
Turkey Feast, Co-op, £4.40
4/5
Sleigh bells start ringing when you bite into this sandwich. Packed full of traditional Christmas flavours, the turkey, bacon and cranberry game is strong in this one. The bread holds up well as it’s carrying some serious baggage. Hard to fault particularly with a moist turkey component. We had one strong dissenter in the office, but I think that’s down to poor taste rather than the constitution of the sandwich itself.
Gluten Free Turkey Feast, M&S, £4.75
3/5
I hold a particular disdain for gluten free foods. However, I was pleasantly surprised by the GF option from M&S. Good texture, great flavours with a fruity cranberry cutting through the meat. The bread flavour is pretty dire, but this is to be expected, it’s gluten free after all. Eating around the crusts improves the experience. A good showing overall, particularly as we did not find any other GF options around town.
Pigs Under Blankets, Co-op, £3.65
4/5
A smoky meatfest. The honeyed sausages and crispy bacon elevate it into a hangover buster of a sandwich. ‘Pigs under blankets’ might indicate that the pigs are hiding. I can assure you that they are not. Full frontal hog assault on the taste palette is on offer but this lunchtime meal is crying out for some fruit to cut through the meaty noise.
Pulled Pork with Spiced Apple, Morrisons, £3.59
0/5
Burnt bread and heavily processed. Tasteless pork with a horribly confused spiced apple to compliment it. If nothing else, this sandwich is consistent. Consistently disappointing from start to finish. Gallery’s Emma, even referring to it as “tastes like the last few puffs of a vape” – say no more. Turn your Christmassy gaze elsewhere.
Brie and Cranberry, M&S, £4.50
3.5/5
One of the few vegetarian options in our selection. When it comes to looks, this sandwich is a bit of a pauper by comparison to its competition. The slimline version of a Christmas Sandwich. But with refreshingly simple ingredients and a strong cheesy flavour, this sarnie won’t disappoint. Accompanied by a generous dollop of cranberry sauce, you can’t go wrong with it.
Christmas Club, M&S, £5.50
4/5
As the most expensive sandwich in our selection, my expectations were high. A double decker sandwich and a distinct lack of floppiness despite the cargo it’s carrying, an impressive feat of engineering. Sandwich physics aside, it has a festive flavour but does lean into being slightly too sweet. Controversially, I’m a fan of chicken in a Christmas sandwich. Who really likes turkey anyway?
Boxing Day Feast, Co-op, £3.65
2/5
Coleslaw. Coleslaw is how this sandwich starts and ends with not much in between. If you like shaved carrots and cabbage covered in mayo then this is the one for you! But for me, I want Die Hard in sandwich form. This sandwich makes me want to Die Fast.
Pigs in Blankets, M&S, £4.75
5/5
Saving the best to last. This sandwich has everything you’d expect in a Christmas sandwich. A main payload of sausage, bacon and stuffing paired with a fruity chutney balances the sandwich well. Despite the generous quantity of sauces, the bread remained bouncy and held its form. If this sandwich was presented to you on Boxing Day, you might question why you’re not having your Xmas leftovers, but I assure you, you wouldn’t be disappointed after sampling its meaty greatness.
Honourable mentions that we didn’t get to taste, but you definitely should:
Flour Christmas Meal Wrap: I was gutted to not have gotten the chance to review this. But I will be trotting down on Dec 1st when this is first available.
Dandy Christmas special sandwich: A mystery for now, but with Dandy’s fine form in the sandwich department, this will not be one to miss.
Waitrose Christmas sandwiches: Known for a solid selection in this department, but my pork-filled legs wouldn’t take me all the way out of town to try their carby creations.
