Relationship and intimacy specialist Maggie Bain – also known as the Bare Naked Coach – has moved to the Jersey and joined our Gallery ranks to help local couples repair their relationships. She will be answering questions which she has received from you, hoping to help those with similar problems by drawing on a decade of experience in the field.
Words: Maggie Bain | Photography: Oliver Doran
“She wants to experiment in the bedroom, but I feel out of my depth. How do I stay open-minded without feeling like I’m pretending?“
This is such an interesting question—and one many people will relate to. Readers might be surprised by your dilemma, as there’s often an assumption that men are the adventurous ones in the bedroom. However, having worked with many couples, I’ve learned there are no set stereotypes, and no two relationships are alike.
As we pass through the “getting-to-know-you” stage in a new relationship, we discover intimacy’s many layers. Whether it starts as friendship or intense sexual chemistry almost becomes irrelevant as the feeling of closeness grows paramount. Not only does physical touch become electrifying, but the desire to please your partner creates an undeniable pull. This is when a sense of sexual compatibility solidifies —both parties are investing in the relationship, and intimacy feels effortless. “Best sex I’ve ever had!”
For those whose intimacy has reached euphoria, the desire to recreate this feeling can become addictive. Hence the term “love is a drug.” The ability to express needs flows naturally, and sexual curiosity—whether through toys, pornography, additional people, or kink—often follows, chasing that dopamine rush. At this stage, individual preferences emerge, highlighting who might be more willing to experiment, especially given the vast range of options.
That said, I know some readers have considered or tried these things due to bedroom dullness. General relationship boredom can permeate intimacy, leaving one partner feeling the lack more acutely. Broaching the subject of “spicing things up” can feel delicate—even daunting—if unresolved issues linger. The fear that raising such a touchy topic might worsen things often deters the conversation entirely.
This is why learning to openly discuss everything in your relationship—and respectfully listen to your partner (with reciprocity)—is key to great intimacy. Once you can talk about everything outside the bedroom, you can talk about everything inside it.
“Easier said than done, Maggie!” I hear you. And I understand.
This is where I help clients, individually or as couples. Once they overcome initial hurdles and practice new skills, reaching agreements becomes easier. Negotiating differing desires ensures mutual consent, leading to fair, win-win outcomes. Some couples even sign contracts, feeling satisfied their perspectives were heard. You might find this extreme, but for regular experimenters, it works.
By writing to me, you’re already open-minded. You didn’t shoot down her request, as many do. That said, talk deeply with your partner about what she truly wants to introduce. Once you understand her vision and do your own research, you’ll feel more informed. Then, draft an agreement to avoid surprises later. This is especially helpful when entering new relationship stages.
Being comfortable enough to reveal your true self requires vulnerability, which springs from trust. This can be hard for those carrying betrayal wounds. So, ensure your relationship is truly ready for experimentation.
If you’d like to discuss this further, message me directly via the contacts below. Remember: Being truthfully naked in your authenticity fuels deeper intimacy.
For Private Consultation at The Mind & Body Rooms, Charing Cross, St. Helier, or Zoom, message Maggie at maggie@barenakedcoach.com or visit barenakedcoach.com
