Out in the streets, they call it muuuuuurrrrderrrr…. But in the home during a global pandemic it’s less Ini Kamoze and more 187 Lockdown. It seems that only a short while after the UK has entered lockdown, family and housemates stuck indoors together may have begun to realise that 22 hours per day of ‘quality time’ is more than they can take without the distractions of daily life. COVID-19 might not be the only invisible killer to be aware of.

This is no paragraph from a (frankly quite terrible) dystopian straight-to-Kindle-edition novel; sadly, this is actually happening in the UK right now. In what the BBC news reporting has described as two ‘isolated cases’ – proving that they do in fact have a dark sense of humour lurking before lifting the nation’s spirits by parting on an ‘and finally…’ story – two murder investigations have been opened in the past week in the UK. But while it’s easy to imagine heated arguments over who may or may not have left the milk out of the fridge – and who’s going to step up and queue at a safe distance outside the nearest shop for a couple of hours to get a new pint in – turning into an accidental bloodbath, the reality seems even more tragic.

The news reports, one as the result of a house fire, but both involving entire households (including the dog in one case) read as the result of a complete loss of hope for the future for those involved. Things may seem bleak, but the key message has to be to look out for your neighbours as well as your friends, family and favourite animals right now, because as crazy as the world might seem we’ll be out the other side soon and nothing is irreparable, surely?

Death isn’t funny at the best of times, let alone while there’s a lot of uncertainty as life for many has suddenly ground to a halt, but something that is funny is watching speed garage duo 187 Lockdown enacting a very dubious and badly-synced Western in the video to their tune Gunman from back in 1998. Click here to watch it. Also, stay safe, don’t talk to strangers unless they’re wearing a mask and keep two metres away at all times, or we’ll tell your mum.

(For those who didn’t get the reference – and in fairness it was a fairly obscure one – 187 is the Californian penal code for murder, and lockdown is what’s happening across the world right now to curb the spread of COVID-19. We know that news can be slow in some of the parishes, but won’t say which ones to protect the innocent.)