Identifying Features: Mum, Dad and a motley assortment of Noisy Kids.  If you’re very unlucky you might even get Noisy Dog or been-at-the-gin Noisy Grandma  Distinctive Markings: Three trips’ worth of assorted beach equipment – all designed to make loud noises / fire plastic...

The Eco-eaters

From farm shoppers to fans of Fairtrade, find out which eco foodie tribe you fall into with our handy spotter’s guide   The Organic Shopper Amelia’s swapped the Range Rover for a Prius, and finds it much easier to reverse into those...

The NLP Amateur

IdentifyingFeatures:Rapid-blinkingand intense eye-contact (to appear trustworthy) and the strange tendency to use American-sounding phrases in conversation.   Distinctive Markings: A copy of the latest NLP book and a subscription to Psychologies magazine.  Natural Enemies: ‘Non-receptives’, ie anyone who looks at them...

Couples we love to hate

Spring is in the air, the sun’s out and suddenly everyone’s coupled up.  Whispering sweet nothings into their his n’ hers phones, slipping their hands into each other’s back pockets, gazing wistfully into the middle distance whenever they’re apart. ...

The Restaurant Reviewer

    Identifying Features: A carefully honed ability to spoon forkfuls into the mouth whilst taking notes with the other hand.  Distinctive Markings: A notebook, and an array of disguises. Natural Enemies: Waiters that hover and ask her what she’s writing and any...

The Sale Shopper

Habitat: Raking through the 70% off rail, ready to pounce when she sees a bargain. Signature Behaviour: Queuing outside Next at 5am, elbows bristling, ready to barge through the doors first. Distinctive Markings: An armful of carrier bags and a pair...
How quickly things can change.  Six months ago, Polly wouldn?t have blinked at maxing out her credit card every weekend - new jeans from Axle, a Westwood dress from Roulette, armfuls of accessories and that military jacket that had...
Ed and Keri tell everyone they?ve never been happier since they decided to go off-grid.  It?s always been a dream of theirs to disconnect, to get back to a simpler way of living, they claim and only the most...

THE WEDDING PLANNER

Signature Behaviour: Leaving a trail of artisan-fashioned rose petal confetti behind her as she makes her way back to her Wedding Fayre stand, between the toastmaster and the woman who does handmade wedding favours. Distinctive Markings: Constantly ringing BlackBerry, an...

MASSACRE

F ***ing Valentine?s Day.  No sooner have you made it through the bleak, never-ending-horror that is January, then when without warning, we are forced to parade our relationships, or lack thereof, to the goddamn world.   Up and down King...